Winter Soul Searching
by atthebeginningwithyou
Summary: Sara does some soul searching of her own. Post LLV.


**Title**: Winter Soul Searching  
**Author**: atthebeginningwithyou

**Rating**: K+  
**Summary**: Sara does some soul searching of her own.  
**Disclaimer**: None of them belong to me…  
**Author's Notes**: I'm finally back to fan fic after my long battle with NaNoWriMo (which I proudly finished with 12 hours to spare) I don't know if this is a one shot or a continuing fic yet. I'll let you all decide.

Thanks so much to **LosingInTranslation **for the beta that takes my jumbled thoughts to the next level!

Sara couldn't remember the last time she had actually yearned to see snow. She had never been a big fan of the cold weather, because it often chapped her lips and left her skin chafed and dry. However, the first sight of snowflakes falling from a wintry night sky had always caused a warm reaction that never failed to bring her comfort, even in the chilliest weather.

In her third foster home, her guardians had actually been nice people. She spent three winters with them in their home on the outskirts of Boston. Her foster parents would often walk through the freshly fallen snow in the park behind the house with Sara and their two biological children. Those three years had probably been the best ones of her turbulent childhood. Whenever Sara saw snow, she would remember the comforts of that time; when she had felt like she actually had a family, even if they weren't biologically connected.

After Grissom left for his sabbatical, the townhouse they shared seemed so empty and cold despite the unusual warmness of a Las Vegas winter. The first time Sara came home after Grissom's awkward goodbye in the locker room, she sat on the bed they shared and realized how vacant and disconnected the room felt without him. The sheets, pillows, and dark blue comforter they spent a whole afternoon debating over in the department store; they all seemed detached from the room without Grissom to lounge around with his nose stuck in the latest forensic journal.

Sara tore her eyes away from the empty blue comforter and fiercely wiped her cheeks as the tears finally started to fall. She had to get out of that house. It no longer felt like the warm and comfortable home that she and Grissom had shared over the past six months.

She was hurt by his abrupt departure. Sara had foolishly thought that Grissom would have told her about his decision to leave and find perspective in his life, but she was so wrong. Sara knew that he was burning out, and each time she tried to approach him about it, he refused to talk, brushing her off in the same Grissomish manner Sara remembered from before they started their romantic relationship. He never told her about the job offer at Williams' college. Sara knew in her heart that she would have supported whatever he decided to do, and that was why she had been hurt when he hadn't talked to her about it at all before he simply walked away.

In the end, she had found out about his impending departure from Greg, who had heard it from Bobby, who heard it from Archie, who heard it from Hodges. Sara couldn't hide her disappointment in Grissom's unwillingness to tell her about his plans and she spent the rest of the shift avoiding him at all costs. She didn't want to say something she would regret before he took off for a whole month. Sara was finished trying to chase Grissom down to get him to open up to her. He needed to start doing that on his own.

Sara was through waiting around for him. She could no longer be the one who was doing all the compromise in their relationship. It was then that Sara made up her mind to do a little soul searching of her own.

Sara packed a simple bag with nothing but the essential items, along with her laptop, and some clothing before she took one last look around the townhouse. Gazing at the cold and empty place before locking the door behind her, Sara knew she was making the right choice. Her next step was to stop by Ecklie's office and drop off an emergency leave of absence form for the next three weeks. Where it said "reason for absence," she hastily scrawled in "family emergency" as the reason for her departure. Before she left, Sara stopped by the break room where she left a note to the whole gang in a sealed envelope. She had tried to explain that she just needed to deal with something and would be back in a few weeks. Sara had left the note as vague as possible, but she reassured them that she was fine and that she would e-mail them when she could. After she accomplished her tasks, Sara left the lab and got into her Sedan.

She sat in the lab parking lot for a couple of minutes, unsure of where she was going. She mentally reminded herself that she was not going to see Grissom at Williams College. She was taking this trip for herself. If Grissom needed space, then she would give it to him. The fact was that she needed some space of her own, as well. They both needed time to figure out where they were going in life and whether or not their futures included each other.

It was at that moment that Sara had made up her mind. She pulled out of the lab parking lot and put on her sunglasses, as the sun started to shine brightly in the sky.

"Time to get some perspective," she mumbled to herself as she guided the tiny Sedan toward the highway. She was on a journey to the place where she could feel the snowflakes on her face once more.

"_I could have lost myself  
In rough blue waters in your eyes  
And I miss you still" _Joshua Radin - Winter

**TBC?**


End file.
